What Drives Me Crazy

Before getting into What Drives Me Crazy, I’m wrapping up my countdown chart today. I felt relatively well on Sunday and gave myself a 7 on the AFI (Actual Feeling Index) scale. A 7 means that I can tell my stamina is beginning to return. I’m guessing I’m still a week or so away from being a 10. A 10 means I can begin to really rebuild my stamina by starting to exercise. Prior to chemo, I was exercising 3 times per week for 2 hours a session and included: cardio, strength, and flexibility. I’m guessing it will be a month or two before I get back to the point prior to chemo, but as of right now, I believe I can actually get back to that point. Thanks for all of your comments on the graph. I needed to put it together for my own sanity. It was like being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The graph reminded me that I probably only had so many days left until the intense fatigue began to lift. As of yesterday, I think I was there.

Okay, so what drives me crazy? I’m a planner and I can’t plan anything long term. My current planning horizon is 1 - 2 weeks out. I think this is common for people in situations similar to mine. Not only can’t I plan, but those close to me can’t plan either. This includes mostly immediate family and close friends. The closer the person, like my spouse, the bigger the impact becomes of not being able to plan. I’m really hoping to begin traveling again within the next few months. It will be limited travel and I’ll need to plan carefully how to travel (e.g., how and what to eat), but it will be travel. But, right now, I can’t make any plans. What I’m trying to get across is the point that this is confining and a bit frustrating. Please don’t take it as complaining. This lack of ability to plan long term has been one of the biggest impacts.

We had a visitor today. She lives far away, but made the effort while visiting her mom in the US to fly another few hours and visit us for the day. We had a great time catching up and spending time with each other. We got to hear what was happening in her world and she got to see what was happening in ours. We ate, talked, and even worked on the pottery wheel together for a bit. Thanks for coming.

Wednesday is a big day at the hospital. I’m scheduled for a PET scan at 6:30 AM, (it will take about 2.5 – 3 hours), an oncology clinical visit later in the morning, some blood work, and then a CT w/contrast scan at 5:30 PM. The CT/w contrast scan will end around 7 – 8:00 PM. The results from these scans will not be discussed with me until the following Wednesday. I’ll probably update the blog again late this week and then not again after that for another week. It is at the meeting a week from Wednesday, on June 13, that we will determine the next steps in my cancer treatment. I anticipate some surgery this month, but won’t know the timing and extent until mid-June. Take care everyone.